One time too many
by abbylou
Summary: an angsty piece about justin and brian post513.
1. Chapter 1

One time too much

Chapter

Justin stood nervously close to the small storage room at the back of the gallery, giving the people a wide berth to see all the artwork. He was quite anxious: neither his mum nor Daphne had arrived yet. Even after nearly two years in New York he had problems to call people friends and to invite them to this very important evening. His first solo show in New York with a bunch of famous art critics and art dealers, possible buyers and requestors and no sight of his support team. The young artist took a deep breath and made his way over to his agent, who waved him over to a group of people, seemed as if he had to give the first interview of the evening.

Even before he finished answered all the questions he could feel a familiar tingling in the back of his neck – a feeling he didn't want to feel. Slowly he turned around and really, two steps behind his mum and his best friends stood Brian. The delegation from Pittsburgh had arrived!

Justin aimed his gaze away from the tall brunet and looked with his biggest smile to his mum, who was regarding his work proudly.

"God Justin, those pieces are great!" Jennifer Taylor exclaimed and gave him a hug.

"You're going to make a fortune tonight", his best friend cried and sprang in his arms. Justin totally ignored Brian and took his two favourite two women for a tour of his paintings and to meet his agent.


	2. Chapter 2

2. Chapter

Nearly two hours later the gallery became more and more empty. Even Daphne and Jennifer had already left a few minutes ago and Brian was disappeared as well. Many pieces had small sold stickers next to them, which showed that they were already bought after just one night of showing. Dave, the gallery owner and Susan, Justin's agent looked really happy while they were chatting with a few people.

Justin himself was sitting on a black couch in a small room, relaxing and enjoying a glass of champagne - he hadn't been able to drink something while all the people were still concentrating on him.

"Very impressive evening!" he suddenly heard a familiar voice behind him and seconds later Brian was sitting on the other couch in front of him.

"Oh you, I thought that you had left already" the blond man answered coolly while trying to suppress his nervousness.

"No, I just stayed in the background; I was hoping to talk with you!" Brian said calmly.

"Brian!" Justin said irritated. "What are you doing here?"

"I've never missed a single one of your shows!" the ad-man said kind of proudly.

"So?" Justin asked "that have been different times! I actually hoped to never have to see you again!"

Brian looked stunned and hurt.

"I am sorry but…" he tried to start but was interrupted.

"No but, Brian. No apologies, no regrets!" Justin said. "You kicked me off Mt. Kinney once again. You once again didn't care about how I feel, what you're doing with me. I am sorry, Brian, but I don't want to play this game anymore or ever again."

The young artist sounded defeated.

"I just thought…" Brian started calmly, but Justin stopped him again and stood up.

"I know Brian. You thought it would be the right thing to do. But it wasn't. If you had just talked with me but you didn't, you just did your thing!" He took a breath.

"I am sorry but I can't do it anymore. I can't start again, 'cause I know I would just be waiting for the next time you push me out. I am tired of fighting you, I am tired of being the only one who gives everything for this relationship. I just can't do it anymore. Goodbye Brian!" he calmly finished and walked away.

Brian observed how the young man collected his stuff and left the room. He was like frozen. He couldn't understand what happened, but he knew nothing ever hurt this much.

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_Please leave a short review. thanks._


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys...  
I am really sorry that it took sooooooooo long to write something new, but it's really awful at the moment... I was told that I have to leave my flat because it's sold suddenly and the new owner wants to use it on it's own, so I have one month to find something new... then it is the end of the term at university which means I have to write lots of tests and papers...  
But I thought I am going to take a break for a few moments and write something new...  
have fun!!!  
abbylou_

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3. Chapter

Justin couldn't' keep the tears at bay. He prevented them for the whole way back home but now in the safety of his small two-room-apartment they flowed freely over his face. He kicked off his shoes and crawled still fully clothed in his bed, hiding under the covers.

He thought he had all this feelings left behind – he thought he had healed already this last year, but now it showed that he still hurt – seeing Brian again, talking with him, it just ripped open his deep wounds and it hurt badly. He still loved Brian, yearned Brian – and probably always would – but he knew that he did the right thing. Every time Brian pushed him away a part of him died and could never be replaced again – not even with the sweetest and most romantic reunification. And he just had to stop it – it couldn't be like that for the rest of their lives and to break it up for once and all seemed to be the only way to safe himself.

Nevertheless was Brian the love of his live – no doubt about that – and Justin felt horrible for the end and feared that it would take him a long time to get over this.

He pushed his face deep into his pillow and wished for a way to make him stop feeling for some time.

Brian didn't know how he made it back to his hotel, but suddenly he was standing barefoot and in just his boxers and his Armani shirt in front of the big window with a big bottle of Beam in his hand.

He felt empty and tired. Everything seemed to be for nothing – the stress of these last few weeks:

Pitching ads for new high-quality companies,

Finding a buyer for Babylon,

Putting the loft on the market finally and foreverand

Decorating and renovating Britin – the place where he hoped to grew old with Justin – and just with him.

And all of it just blew in his face. Just great!

He took a big swallow of his whiskey and leaned his forehead against the window looking out over the bright lights of Manhattan.

Instead of feeling furious and raging – he just felt hurt and broken. For years he – and especially others – often wondered if he had a heart. Now he knew, yes he had one and it was broken.

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_read and review please...._

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**I**** am still looking for somebody who'd write a sequel with me for ****The Story of Lily DiNozzo (look for it in my profile...) ****if you're interested just send me a note...**  



	4. Chapter 4

_sorry that it took so long, but i have quite a few time management problems...hope the next update'll be sooner (I have a writer's block in addition but I hope it will go on soon). Nevertheless I am going to update 3 chapters today...enjoy...  
_

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Chapter 4

Justin enjoyed that after the big and successful show last week, he now could merely hide. In the first week he didn't leave his flat, respectively his bed at all. And in the second week he took small walks trough New York, glad about its anonymity and that no one of his extended family was close by. He often thought about how to go on with his life and what to do next, but he didn't have a clue. Everything hurt and sometimes it seemed as if there was no way to live a life without Brian in it.

He ignored the phone – no matter who it was: his mum, Daphne or Susan. He didn't want to hear their questions and pity. The young artist just wanted to disappear and to never have to think about anything again.

He shortly thought about using these feelings to create new paintings but he couldn't even take a brush in his hand. Everything felt useless.

He absolutely didn't know what to do and continued to just be, a hollow self.

Brian was obnoxious at the office. Even Cynthia, who normally had a thick skin, tried to get out of his way. They had two notices in three day and several sick notes.

Michael, who made the mistake to call with 'good advice', didn't call again and neither did anybody else of their friends.

Nobody had seen him anywhere on Liberty Avenue for weeks and the nights the ad-man spent with bottles of Beam in a small flat he rented close to Kinnetik. He couldn't' go back to the loft or even Britin. Everything reminded him of Justin and of what he had lost.

When he gave up the contact to Justin these 12 months ago, he thought he'd do the right thing. For one year Justin had talked about how he missed everything in Pittsburgh, from the greasy food at the diner to the lights over the bed in the loft and always Brian. The older man thought he helped him to finally arrive completely in the Big Apple. But everything went wrong. He lost everything and nothing he did had any worth.

Maybe he should just drink without ending.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Daphne took a deep breath and hoped her plan was working. She took three weeks off for as soon as she could get it and returned back to New York nearly a month after the gallery opening night – packed with two bags and well wishes and tips from all the extended family in Pittsburgh.

She slowly made her way to the exit and hoped to get a taxi to Justin's place.

Forty minutes later she was finally standing in front of his door. The young woman slowly opened it with her own key and made her way in the darkened flat. She hardly could see the lump on the bed and made her way over to it, walking slalom around the many whiskey bottles on the floor.

"Justin honey!" she quietly asked while sitting herself next to him on the bed.

"Hey!" he answered silently and with much hurt in the voice.

"I am sorry, I couldn't get off earlier."

"'ts okay!" he murmured without turning around.

Daphne felt tears in her eyes, when she saw the picture of misery next to her.

She put off her shoes and laid down next to her friend, carefully took him in her arms, rocked him and murmured nonsense.

Soon they were both heavily crying.

Cynthia tried to ignore the loud screaming coming out of her boss' office and started to read the paragraph she'd just written again. Before she could start the second sentence the door slammed open and a young woman – newbie in the art department – came storming out, tears running over her face.

"Just idiots and amateurs!" she heard Brian blaring in his office, followed by the shattering sound of an item thrown against the wall.

She took a deep breath and made her way in his office. Squaring her shoulders she entered the room and carefully looked around. Brian was walking up and down like a caged animal, still murmuring insults.

"Okay, that's enough, Brian!" she stated loudly and tried not to flinch when his raging gaze grazed her.

"If you continue like that you'll be soon standing all on your own in here. Nobody wants to work for or with you anymore. And let me tell you even Theodore and me are shortly before taking time off."

"So, then leave already, I don't need anyone. I don't need you!"

"Yes you do!" she answered calmly. "I know you hurt, but there's no reason to hurt the other people as well and to destroy our own company. Think about all the hard work you put in it."

"It doesn't matter!" Brian answered with a small voice and let himself drop on the white couch.

"Yes it does!" Cynthia stated assuring. "Why don't you take some time off? We can handle it for some days without you. Go home. Sort everything out!"

"I don't know!"

"But I do. Com'on that's not the Brian Kinney we all know and love! Calm yourself down, centre yourself and than come back! And this is not a proposal!" she said and left his office without looking back.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"I am sorry!" Daphne said the next morning while coming into the kitchen, where Justin was sadly starring into his cup of coffee. "I actually came here to cheer you up!"

"It's fine!" Justin said shortly.

"No it's not! I am here to help!" Daphne stated while sitting opposite of Justin.

"How about we make a trip? Leave everything behind and get you to become yourself again." She asked excitedly.

"A trip?"

"Yeah, you always wanted to go to New Zealand. And you just made a bunch of money. How about we travel through New Zealand?"

"Are you crazy?" Justin asked in bewilderment.

"No. It's perfect. It's a distraction and you can think about how to go on, when we come back to the states." Daphne said, picturing their adventures in her mind already.

"No!" Justin answered forcefully.

"Why not?"

"I said no, Daphne. I don't want to travel. And especially not to New Zealand. Besides I'm not going to ruin my impressions of the country with this mood."

"Okay, we could travel to Europe for a tour through all the museums."

"No!"

"Hmmm…Mexico?"

"No!"

"Egypt?"

"No!"

"Oh…I know…Canada!"

"Daphne, just leave it alone. I don't want to go. Period!" Justin said, stood up and nearly broke his cup while cleaning it.

"But you have to get out! You just can't sit here and mop for the rest of your life!"

"Why not?"

"'Cause it's making you ill - have you counted the bottles in here? Twelve whiskey bottles in I don't know how many days!"

"So? It's pain management!" Justin answered and tried not to think about who this idea came from.

"Well it's a very Brian-way of pain management." Daphne just couldn't stop herself. Justin looked at her with big glassy eyes. Then he grabbed a jacket and some shoes, run out of the flat, banging the door shut behind him.

"Shit!" Daphne cried and threw the towel she had used to dry the cups on the table. This was not how she pictured her stay in New York. Justin was more than mad at here – already on the first day.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Emmet stood jittering in front of Brian's 'new flat'. After trying to run across his friend at Kinnetik, he got his new address from Cynthia and now he wasn't sure, if his idea was such a good one. After having to listen to Michaels complaining for too many days he thought, that maybe somebody should talk with Brian. But now, standing in this shabby hallway in front of the terrible green-painted door, he felt that this wasn't the right way. Brian would kill him, if he came to gave him advice that was for sure.

He walked up and down thinking about what to do, when suddenly the door was pulled open and Brian – in his typical home clothes, meaning just jeans with the first button open and a black wife beater - was standing in front of him.

"Will you just stop and come in?" he asked and took a sip of his whiskey.

"How… I mean … how do you know?" Emmet asked while passing his host and walking directly to one of the small windows to open it.

Brian started to laugh and said "This place is so crappy, that you can listen to everything. I heard you murmuring outside."

"So why do you stay here?" Emmett asked, while trying to find a clear space to sit down.

"Where else should I stay? I thought that's all I am worth?" Brian started to laugh again and emptied his bottle.

"Com'on Brian you know that's not true."

"Maybe it is!" the brunet answered defeated.

Emmett didn't know how to react and there was a small break. Brian stood up, walked to the small kitchenette and took a new Beam out of the fridge.

Soon they sat next to each other laughing drunkenly about unimportant things.

"So, why don't you fight for him?" Emmett suddenly asked very clearly.

"What?"

"Fight for him. You love him. You're miserable. And he is in the same funk back in New York. Show him that you're worth a last chance."

"Maybe I am not worth it. Maybe everybody was right, my parents, Deb, Michael, Ted…"

Emmett couldn't help himself and gave Brian a hard slap on the forehead.

"Hey!" Brian said angrily and brushed his friend's hand away.

"Don't be stupid. You mean the world to him, don't you see?"

"Can we please change the topic?"

"Okay." Emmett said trying to find a new theme.

"God. I can't believe I rented this shabby place." Brian started to laugh again.

"How about you go away for a little bit, get some space, and think about what to do next?" Emmett asked.

"What?" Brian asked grinning.

"Yeah, why don't you make a road trip or something? Find to yourself?"

"You're even crazier when you're drunk!" Brian grinned.

"No I am serious. I think it's a great idea!"

They became silent again, both thinking about a possible road trip. Half an hour later they were both asleep.

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_sorry that it always takes so long...but I still have a paper for university due and it's just not coming along...  
hope to have more time in two weeks.  
nevertheless....ENJOY_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Justin was just aimlessly running through the city, furious with Daphne who just didn't seemed to understand. As if a trip to some country would suddenly make everything fine again. He stomped through the rainy streets thinking of ways to hurt his best friend. Just why did she had to come?

Four blocks later his was crying again for thinking so terrible about his best friend. She came all the way to New York, sacrificed her holidays to come here and then he reacted so terribly. But could nobody understand that it was horrible for him to feel this way and to hurt this much? He really just wanted to be left alone and go somewhere nobody knew him. He never felt this alone in the world … well except when he went to the ski trip to Vermont. And then an idea came to him. Maybe Daphne's idea about going on a trip wasn't so bad at all. He really liked it up there and he promised himself at that time to come back to enjoy the Indian summer. Maybe the time had arrived. Although he actually wanted to return with Brian, it seems to be just fitting to his situation going upstate alone. Looked as if he would be going to Vermont once more – and once again without Brian at his side.

He went back to the flat, sneaked by a sleeping Daphne on the couch and went to his room to pack a bag, left his friend a note and went to the train station.

Brian woke up with a spinning head. He was stuck between the back of the couch and Emmet who was half way on top of the couch and half way on the floor before it.

"Fuck!" he said, while trying to stand up without fainting and held his head. He slowly made his way to the cramped bathroom with an even smaller shower. He turned it on cold, shed his cloth and stood directly under the ice cold spray of water. When he turned around to grab his shampoo he knocked his elbow on the wall.

"Fucking shit. This stupid hole in the wall…" he cried while holding his elbow and trying to open the shower door in the same moment.

He just hated this place, he hated his life, he hated himself…

God how happy he has been before he met this fucking annoying trick and now…

But if he was honest this wasn't true. He has never been as happy as with Justin. He was his world… he was his everything… Justin showed him how to love, how to be proud of himself and how to love somebody back and goddammit Emmet was right. He just had to get his sunshine back. No matter what it took. He would get Justin. He wasn't in advertising for nothing. He would be able to sell himself… he has always been before.

He walked back in the living/bedroom/kitchen.

"Hey Honeycutt, get up I have to leave." He went to the small build-in closet, grabbed a pair of jeans and a grey sweater and put it on. Then he randomly snatch some clothes and put them carelessly into his small bag, he normally took to the gym.

"Emmett…" he tried again.

"Holy mother of jesus…what the hell happened." Emmett groaned and tried to pick himself up.

"Com'on, you have to get up… I need you to bring me to the airport" Brian said while putting his shoes on and looked for the keys to his corvette.

"Brian?...What?...Where?" Emmet tried to get everything together what happened and how he got to stay in such a terrible place.

"You know what. I don't have time till you restored the world history from Adam on… Here's the key, close-up when you're landed in 2007. I have to hurry. I hope I can get a cab to the airport." Brian said to himself and left the small flat without a backward glance.

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_I am really really sorry that it took so long but I had a stupid virus on my computer and couldn't work for quite some time..._

_Somebody interested and being my beta for this (and other stories)? Just send me a message...  
_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Brian had a run of luck. Not far from his apartment building he found an empty cab who took him without any traffic jam to the airport where he got a seat on the next plane to New York which would leave in an hour.

When he was finally sitting in his first class, window seat, he tried to consider how to talk to Justin, how to get him to listen to him and what to say. He was undoubtedly standing right before the most important moment in his life, for the most important presentations of his life and he prayed that he would be successful.

He nervously shook his leg during the whole flight and counted the seconds till the landing.

While Brian was driving himself crazy during the short flight to New York, was Justin sitting in the train which would bring him to Vermont. His head leaned against the window and he was observing the world which flew by, trying not to thing about anything at all.

He enjoyed the moment when they were leaving the cities and houses were replaced by forests, meadows and hills. He earned for his sketch pad but knew that he wasn't in the condition to get it as good as he would want it.

He threw a glance at his watch and closed his eyes when he saw that it was still 3h till they would land in where he would change to the bus which would bring him to the small town he stayed all those years ago and where he hoped to find a quiet niche for himself again.

Once again Brian was blessed with luck: his plane was on time, he got a cab without a problem, and for New York he was really fast at his destination. After he exited the cab he took a deep breath and looked up to the sixth floor where the rest of his life would be decided.

Slowly he ascended the stairs, repeating his carefully chosen word in his head over and over again. After a final deep breath he knocked on the door and braced himself for the encounter with Justin.

After a few moments the door was finally open and a very sleepy Daphne was standing in front of him.

"Brian, thank god, one of you saw reason!" She answered and let him in.

"Hey Daphne!" the brunet greeted her and kissed her on the cheek. "So where is he?"

"I think still in bed. You woke me up, so I suppose he's still in deep sleep."

Brian slowly followed her to the small room on the other side of the living room, where he knew Justin's little, but very cosy bedroom was.

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_I just want to thank you for still reading it, even if I am a little slow with updating. hope that you like this new chapter as well. abbylou_


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry... I just can't find a way how to go on with this story. And I absolutely hate it... I hate unfinished stories...so I really do anything to get it finished, it's just that it will take some time. I hope you bear with me...._

have fun with this two new chapters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 10

But the big bed was void of its normal occupant. Nowhere a sign of the young blond.

Brian was crashed, all his hope faded. He couldn't think of any different place where Justin would seek solace. Without any doubt knew the ad-ex that Justin wouldn't have gone to the "burgh" – not when there was a change of meeting him.

And Daphne didn't seem to know more either if her facial expression was any indication.

"But… I don't…" she started and looked with big eyes to the brunet.

"I don't know more than you do!" Brian stated flatly and sat down on the unmade bed.

"He…he was angry with me yesterday. We had a fight and he left… I hope nothing happened to him… I went to sleep, thought he would be back home when he calmed himself down and better not to give him grief again, so I didn't wait for him to come home, just laid down and fell asleep."

"Fucking shit!" Brian exclaimed and in his head rolled a movie of different dangers which could have happened to his blond.

"Maybe we should start looking for him!" said Daphne.

"Where? New York is a freaking million city. Where should we find him in this juggernaut?"

While Daphne and Brian were discussing their future action was Justin leaving the bus at his final destination. Nothing seemed to have changed since his last visit. He shouldered his bag and made his way to the small B&B were he stayed the last time. But as soon as he saw the homey looking cottage, he knew that this wasn't right. It was impossible for him to stay there. He needed something secluded and away from people. So with a sigh he made his way back to the big square where the bus station was and the tourist information as well. He hoped that he could rent a small lodge or something similar for him and his dark mood.

He was lucky, there was a two-room cottage vacant which lay isolated on the border of the forest and the next house was 3miles away. Exactly what he was looking for. After a short stop at the local grocery he made his way to his new home for the next few weeks.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Shit, I need booze!" Brian said after quite a while and marched to the kitchen. As soon as he passed the counter he saw a small white slip, written in Justin's scrawl.

He lifted it and read to short note.

"I am sorry; I am just in a bad condition. I have to go away …for a while… Love Justin."

"Daphne… he…left!" he said unhappily and let himself fall on one of the chairs – the yearning for alcohol was forgotten.

"What do you mean he left?" the young woman asked and then read the letter which was tossed in her direction.

"Oh…I am such a moron!" she exclaimed after reading it.

"I put this stupid idea in his head. Of cause he preferred to go alone as to go with me stupid cow."

"I don't understand." Brian answered while carefully taking the little paper back as to save it from getting balled during Daphne's furious up and down waking.

So Daphne told him about her idea and that obviously Justin took this advice and left for a trip.

"Well, than there's just one question open…!"

"Which destination he chose…" whispered Daphne and let herself fall in the chair next to Brian.

"How can we find that out?"

While Daphne and Brian thought about –legal and illegal – ways to get know to where Justin had disappeared. The blond man enjoyed his new home. The cottage was really beautiful, with a small deck from which you could see the edge of the forest and the mountains behind and which was also equipped with a Jacuzzi. The cottage itself had three rooms: A small bathroom with a nice sunken tub, a bedroom with a very cosy bed and the big living room with a small kitchenette. It was absolutely perfect for a getaway for lovers and Justin had a hard time not do think about romantic hours in front of the fireplace or in the Jacuzzi.

After putting away the groceries and his stuff, he took a small plaid from the sofa and sat on the small swing on the deck. Because he couldn't get himself to stop from thinking of Brian, he tried to distract himself with little mind games and thoughts about what to do next. But it didn't help. Brian's face…laughing…in the throws of a mind blowing orgasm…with tongue in cheek…and the rage look, were always dancing in front of his eyes and took care that his heart yearned to be in the brunets arms again and just to forgot everything that happened.

Angry with himself Justin got up, took his running clothes and his iPod turned to the loudest point and tried to run away from his feelings and thinking.


End file.
